Rules About Disagreeing

I’m just musing and we accidentally got into this subject in a men’s Bible study over Daniel 9 of all places…

Disagreeing always gets people like me and you and trouble, but then again, if we don’t disagree from time to time, we feel like we aren’t standing up for anything. Politicians sugar-coat and avoid controversy, so do ministers, and I bet a lot of you do, too. Others take pride in taking a stand, which generally means, lambasting the person or view you disagree with. You know, what do you REALLY think of John McCain or Hillary Clinton?

Or put it in a Churchy context… Haven’t you heard that “Good Preaching” will always “step on toes” or offend people? Sugar-coated preaching is wonderful for curing insomnia, but not so good at changing lives. Do you feel that way? Hear those things? Believe’em?

In an age where we hide behind computer screens and don’t have so many face to face confrontations anymore, I’m not sure we’re even any good at this disagreeing thing these days. And truth is, count me in the camp that believes we DO water down our opinions to be less offensive. Ask yourself, do you even want people to know how you voted?? Most people keep that a secret, others… well they throw it in your face.

Which is good? The right thing to do? Can I just be me?

I think you can. I think you can be that person God created you to be and for some of us that’s a pretty bold and forward person, and for others it’s more reserved. So here’s my first rule, not in any particular order, about being disagreeable:

1. Be you. Hey if you want to articulate why you disagree and try to convince every person on the planet, that’s fine with me. If you want to disagree, smile and move on, why shouldn’t you? Not everyone is cut-out to star in political or religious debates. If you don’t want to, don’t. But whatever you do, don’t try to be someone you’re not. Don’t pretend to agree when you don’t. Don’t keep disagreeing just because you feel like irritating someone. Believe me, it works. I’m irritated already. The Christian experience is in large part about being transparent. Admitting our sin, our failures, admitting who we really are and acknowledging that only by God’s grace are we saved. Asking for forgiveness, growing more mature, becoming a better a person. The problem with a lot of sugar-coating, is that it hides what we really think. It is awfully close to crossing the line into dishonesty. Now before you run off to tell someone you really do think they are fat…. read the next thing:

2. You’re only allowed to disagree (out loud) if you care about the other person. Jesus disagreed with the Pharisees and as they were killing him, he asked God to forgive them. Hey most of the time when we “take a stand” we’re just attacking the other person. Most of the people who claim to “hate the sin but love the sinner,” tend to give an entirely different impression to the sinner. The God of the Bible could rebuke with the best of them, but he always wanted/hoped the persons he rebuked would turn to him. The rebuke wasn’t out of spite, but out of hope.

Here get this. This is God:
“But if a wicked man turns away from all the sins he has committed and keeps all my decrees and does what is just and right, he will surely live; he will not die. None of the offenses he has committed will be remembered against him. Because of the righteous things he has done, he will live. Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? declares the Sovereign LORD. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live? -Ezekiel 18:21-23

Hey, typically when we call someone “evil” or “wicked” we’re hoping they die. God says he’s pleased when they “turn from their ways.” Now check out how it is supposed to go with us:

“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.” -Matthew 18:15

What was the purpose of showing him his fault? To win him over! Don’t disagree so you can say “I sure showed him!” Tearing someone down out of spite or hatred or dislike or anything that doesn’t include the hope of winning them over is sin. Does that mean you can’t call them names? Most of the time it probably does, but Jesus did, trying to get his point across in Matthew 12:34. Of course, later he died for them and asked God to forgive them. Likewise, while your frustration may boil over, don’t speak up if you don’t wish you could win them over.

3. Give respect or shut up. It’s possible you might even be wrong. I realize that’s probably not true, and your track record is one of perfection. But just in case you have ever been wrong before, keep in mind it possibly could happen again. Happened to me the other day running the possession arrows at a ballgame. I was sure, confident, completely positive I hadn’t missed any jump balls. I said, “I would bet my life on it!”

And I was still wrong. I HAD missed a jump shot and forgotten to change the possession arrow at the ballgame. Fortunately God has been gracious enough to allow me to live -so far.

Don’t just hear the Word, do what it says! Even this verse:
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. -Philippians 2:3

Take your typical rebuker/disagreeable type of person, -you know the one who rebukes and claims to be trying to win their brother over. (typically the phrase they use is something like: “I’m just trying to talk some sense into them”) How much humility is there? Last time you rebuked someone or wanted to… did you think the person you rebuked was an idiot? Have you said that? Whispered it?

Still think you’re following the “in humility consider others better than yourselves” part?

Disagree all you want, but respect the other person if for nothing else than the fact that God cares about them deeply. That person doesn’t belong to you, they are loved by God. Treat God’s stuff with respect.

Now get out there and be disagreeable!